Catwoman (Super Hero #4 of 5)

This is hot for approximately 4.5 seconds, then it gets ridiculous

Genre: Female-Driven Action (in the Comic Book Blockbuster affair sort of way)

Premise:. Patience Phillips is a meek woman working at a cosmetics company. After getting romantic with detective Tom Lone, Patience stumbles upon a meeting her boss is having and learns that the beauty products rejuvenate one’s skin, but if not used permanently result in rapid deterioration. The boss and his goons discovers she listening and drown her in a series of pipes. Patience is reincarnated as Catwoman. There’s a sort of expected ending to a superhero film. She’s set up, made an outlaw, Lone tries to hurt her but Patience ends up saving him, and Catwoman emerges victorious.

About: The film was nominated for a worst picture Razzie, barely broke even at the box office, and has inspired all types of insults about how horrible a film it is. But, the thing is Catwoman is better than Plastic Man. It’s also better than a lot of the unproduced spec scripts you read on the market. And it doesn’t necessarily fail a story. Where it is kind of sloppy is in the execution of the character, which I think when translated to Halle Berry in a spandex outfit sort of spiraled out of control.

Writers: And in the beginning, there was Bob Kane (who was one of DC Comic’s key figures, created Batman, The Joker, and Robin) who begat the story creators Theresa Rebeck (a playwright with a few film credits including Harriet The Spy) and a story/script by the team of John Brancato and Michael Ferris (The Net, The Game, and Terminator 3) with some additional writing by John Rogers (who dabbles in all sorts of mediums which has included the modern recreation of The Blue Beetle, the first draft of The Transformers film, and the cartoon Jack Chan Adventures). Catwoman was a huge problem for the Writers Guild, who basically had to award credit from a pool of 28 writers who had all worked on the film in some capacity.

Surprisingly, I’m gonna be able to get through this entire review without a negative comment. I don’t hate this film. I’m not the biggest fan. But it’s defintiely not Razzie material. Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie? That’s worthy. Ghosts Can’t Do It? Worthy. Cuthroat Island? Worthy. This or Show Girls? Not so much. They’re films that the critics ripped too pieces almost unfairly. Now keep in mind, I didn’t see the film but from what I read of the script, although boring in places, was not a God awful journey. It was definitely no Hollow Man.

The script gets kind of convoluted in the last half of the second act, and I tuned out. But I was pretty solid up until then. I wasn’t necessarily thumbing greedily through the pages, but it wasn’t awful. It just was. I got the superhero. I liked how she died and was re-incarnated. Unlike Plastic Man this wasn’t something I’d seen a thousand times. So I was willing to go along on the journey. But eventually this script reaches a place where the reader tunes out because the character and the plot stop being of any importance. Which is funny because I think I always enjoy direction-less stories until I find something like that. I mean there were threads and there were movements, but I tuned out on this one.

Also where is Batman? Where is The Joker? Why you would write a film just to revolve around The Catwoman story? I mean, that’s like purposefully making things harder on yourself. And basically where this story went wrong. The make-up story line is cool, if a bit sixties Sci-Fi-ish, but it’s not worthy of this character and it’s not worthy of a film.

That being said, the script sets up pretty original characters (even if Tom Lone is a little goofy) and I like the idea of a female centered super hero who is fighting something directly aligned against something that distorts womanly beauty. There’s a few decent action sequences. And the rebirth part held my attention for several pages. It’s not my favorite script by any means, and it feels like it got lost along the way in an attempt to make a female superhero film which catered to a male audience almost exclusively (which is exactly what Jolie’s Tomb Raider did) …. Which is kind of counterproductive to me? But this is an inspired failure. So I’ll rate it one step up above pure crap.

Scooby Doo (Complete Crap)
[X] - Atilla (Poor, Few Redeeming Qualities)
Wedding Crashers (Mediocre)
Hot Rod (Good)
Definitely Maybe (Pretty Darn Good

Isla Prospects: I’m not racist but it’s kind of weird that Cat Woman is black. Sisters are way too sassy and smooth to succeed in the meek openings of Patience. So white chicks are probably a better casting decision, which is why Michelle Pfeiffer was a good casting decision. And, I’m gonna if somebody could get a decent script out of the Catwoman film I’d nominate Isla in a moment.

What I Learned: There are some ideas that just don’t translate to film. I’m not saying this script is great. It certainly has its underdeveloped moments and inadequate pacing, but the spandex suit is probably what brought this thing a worst picture Razzie. Sometimes it’s very hard to judge what’ll play or not, and sometimes you don’t even know it until the thing’s already in development. But the point of the matter is that these concepts titillate the powers that be enough to get them launched, and there’s something worth studying about that. If Catwoman can get made and Dr. Strange or Plasticman can’t, there’s obviously something here that wasn’t in the other scripts.