Constantine (DC Hero's #5 of 5)

Genre: Fantasy-Horror-Thriller-Live Action Comic Book Adaptation

Premise: Set in LA, John Constantine can see half-angels and half-demons in true forms. He desparately searches for salvation from damnation to hell for a suicide when he was younger by destroying demonds with his sidekick Chas. However, full demons are now trying to cross over. Constantine meets with half angel Gabriel, who tells him his acts won't save him from damnation.

Soon after, Constantine finds two LAPD officers investigating the death of his sister. Upon meeting a night club owner on safe ground to get a better handle on his sister's death and his own escape from damnation, Constantine is denied and begins investigating the situation on his own. Turns out God and Satan have a standing wager for mankind's souls. Angels and demons cannot manifest on Earth, but can possess and influence humans.

Constantine finds out demons are working for Satan's son, who wishes to create a kingdom on Earth. Satan's Son has even released a half-demon to locate Constantine's friends. Constantine attacks the half-demon to reveal Satan's Son now has the Spear of Destiny, which has the blood of Jesus Christ encrusted on it.

Constantine storms the safe ground, and is allowed access to a prophetic electric chair that allows himw to see that the Spear was found in Mexico and is now in LA. Constantine and Chas find Satan's Son conducting a ritual to rise Constantine's sister's body. In the process of stopping Satan's son, Chas is killed. Lucifer arrives to collect Constantine's soul, Constantine informs Lucifer of his son's plan so Lucifer sends the kick back to hell to keep him from conquering Earth.
In return for helping Lucier, Constantine asks for his sister to go to heaven. It turns out that by sacrifing himself for his sister, Constantine is allowed to go to heaven. At the end, Constantine watches Chas go into heaven.

About: This is also adapted from a Garth Ennis storyline in addition to a paperback of the story. However, the film changed significantly during rewrites. The original Constantine came from Liverpool and was based on Sting, expectedly this changed. The character was also given psychic ability to see half-breeds as they are, in the film this is what causes the character's drama. Also the film is called Constantine to avoid any confusion with Clive Barker's Hellraiser.

Writer: Kevin Brodbin (Mindhunters) worked on a script by Frank Cappello (who has a few other credits including Suburban Commando with Hulk Hogan) based mostly on a Garth Ennis (Preacher) storyline

Time for an embarassing secret: I had just always assumed Constantine was a historical period piece. Not about a man who uses a prophetic electric chair to stop the Son of Satan from taking over the world. There's so much excellent build up this story: a great anti-hero, the chair, a spear with the blood of Christ. But ultimately, this thing is a big let down. First off, you know you're in trouble when a character supposed to be played by Sting ends up being played by Keanu Reeves. This ended up feeling very similar to an episode of Angel or Buffy (which I'm generally not a fan of, there's always alot of cool premises which are resolved through generic fight scenes.) Keep in mind Constantine is also regurgitating The Devil's Advocate, End of Days, and The Sin Eater. Moody visuals. Cool lead-in's. Action-packed conclusions that completely ignore any visible storyline. The first half of the script is merely build up, though, it's when the whole story tries to resolve itself that the real problems come into play. I guess it's an action movie for Buffy people? I just didn't get this thing at all, and I know now I wasn't missing anything by never watching the film.

Scooby Doo (Complete Crap)

[X] Atilla (Poor, Few Redeeming Qualities)

Wedding Crashers (Mediocre)

Hot Rod (Good)

Definitely Maybe (Pretty Darn Good)

Isla Roles: The only female characters in this thing are way underdeveloped, and tend to feel more like instruments in moving the plot along than living breathing personalities. Let's skip Isla for consideration in any of these roles.

Tip: A typical McGuffin that has been revamped to include a weird twist or another angle can really make or break a movie. Now, the bloody spear and the electric chair don't make this film. But, this is true in other films like Indiana Jones (the Holy Grail, the Arc), the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, or the unobtanium in Avatar. If you aren't going to be original in plot, make sure your story at least has some original elements.

Sgt Rock (DC Comics #4 of 5)

Genre: War

Premise: There really isn't one. No main storyline. No character goals except crush the bad guys. Sounds alot like a comic book doesn't it? It's basically a period piece about World War II. The script ends with a big shodown in a bombed out village between GIs and Nazis. During this fight, most of the good guys are killed.

About: the draft I read is 123 pages and dated July 15th, 1996. An adaptation of the DC comic, intended to be liveaction. Another pet project of Joel Silver for fifteen years. Many directors attached including McTiernan, Harlin,and Ridley Scott. Arnold, Willis or Stallone were intended to star. It's in Development Limbo at Warners.

Writer: Brian Helgeland (LA Confidentia) based on David Webb Peoples (Blade Runner, Unforgiven) based on DC Comics.

Sgt Rock is not a super hero. He's an ordinary guy who has had extraordinary experiences on the battlefield. Understandably, the idea of a Sgt Rock film was born during the Rambo/Chuck Norris phase of the early 80's. But, also at this time due to lingering memories of Vietnam and a lack of World War II films, the story may have appeared too oudated. Joel Silver has put this film through various rewrites, however, and has even hired four filmmakers at various times: John Milius, Jeffrey Boam, Steven DeSouza, Ebbe roe Smith, and Janet peoples. Obviously something is keeping Sgt. Rock from seeing the light of day, so I'll try to offer up some possible explanations as to what might have prevented the birth of this series.

Both stars who were considered have other World War II projects they feel more passionately about. Arnold ended up developing With Wings as Eagles, and Bruce Willis worked on bringing Combat! to the screen. Arnold was to have played a German immigrant who joins the US Army to fight the Nazis who drove him from his homeland. (Doesn't this seem perfect for a McBain trailer in The Simpsons?). Bruce Willis would be a much better choice.

This film ends up like a poor version of Saving Private Ryan. There's even an "Easy Company" quite like Tom Hanks' group of boys. Rock is like Tom Hanks and Tom Sizemore, Kluzewski is Ed Burns, Farraci is like Vin Disel, 4-Eyes resembles Jeremy Davies, Marlboro is a strong, silent type just like Barry Pepper. (There's also strangely enough a character called Ice Cream. I'm not joking. That's just ridiculous). There's also a Senator's son who joins to "try" himself as a man much like Charlie Sheen in Platoon. The bad guy is a very boring SS Colonel, who comes off like any generic Indiana Jones nazi. There really isn't much of a motive to his bad guyness either. Basically, this lack of reason describes the main failure to this entire story.

There are some good parts: one of the characters has reoccuring dreams about his pregnant wife back home he acts out in his sleep, it's funny seeing the various characters interact together, and generally the series does well at holding one's interest barely enough to keep reading.

There's wit and charm here. With a few rewrites maybe even entertainment. And shoot, if GI Joe can make it to the screen then why not Sgt Rock? Probably because a bankable star is needed for this hard, iconic role. Until then, this script will probably remain just a dream project.

Scooby Doo (Complete Crap)
[X] Atilla (Poor, Few Redeeming Qualities)
Wedding Crashers (Mediocre)
Hot Rod (Good)
Definitely Maybe (Pretty Darn Good)

Isla Roles: I believe this is the first script I've read so far with basically no female roles.

Tip: When writing something as conventional as a war movie, you always have to be thinking about archetypes. Because odds are your audience has seen a dozen similar films and is readily going to compare your characters to all of the other ones they know. For example, I could easily compare Sgt Rock to Indiana Jones, Platoon, Combat!, Sands of Iowa Jima, Cross of Iron, Saving Private Ryan, The Big Red One, The Thin Red Line, Band of Brothers, and Flags of Our Fathers among others. That's alot of stories to overcome in order to make something original!

Preacher (DC Comics #3 of 5)

Genre: Supernatural/Action/Comic Book

Premise: Jesse Custer, a down and out preacher in a small Texas town, is possessed by a supernatural creature named Genesis. As a result, Jesse may have become the most powerful being alive. Together with his old girlfriend Tulip, he goes on a quest to discover his new powers. They're also joined by an Irish vampire named Cassidy.

About: Ennis sold the script to Electric Entertainment in 1998, and then completed three additional drafts. Producers had trouble financing because the series was religiously controversial. Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier financed under View Askew then pitched to Miramax. However, the Weinsteins were confused by Jesse. They also didn't want to split profits with Electric Entertainment. Storm Entertainment then came along and joined Electric. Production was delayed due to budget. A TV pilot was discussed at HBO. Then new HBO executives abandoned the idea, finding it too dark and religiously controversial (after Carnivale and Six Feet Under, really?) Columbia Pictures purcharsed the rights with Sam Mendes directing in 2008. John August was then hired on to write a script. No release date. No cast. No location. A decade later, the project is still in obscurity.

Writer: Garth Ennis (who wrote the original comic, also worked on Hellblazer)

Born out of the Tarantion influenced action wave that came during the late 90's, Preacher is definitely part of the crowd but takes some strange twists. Allegedly, this story comes directly from the comic's "Gone to Texas" storyline. The script is blatantly violent in a way films used to be during the Pulp Fiction / Usual Suspects era, but which we don't really see included anymore. As a result, it makes perfect sense Miramax was attached to the project. Also, the films use of heavily violence and dark religious satire aren't exactly the most friendly topics to win over a film-going crowd. Now, keeping all these things in mind, let's take a look at this third draft.

There are some lovely elements to Preacher: its dark and funny dialogue, unusually warped characters, and southwestern image ripe for a Cormac McCarthy novel make the script a delicious read. But, when one looks further, this thing falls apart and is yet another example of a competently written script that possesses enough flaws as to prevent the work from being a good effort. Mostly, my problems come with what I feel to be an inherent lack of imagination within the work.

Structurally, this script goes on a little too long (but this is a problem many, many comics suffer from). The length is due in part to the ultimate brawl which goes on and on without any real reason. These aren't special in any way but rather generic fight scenes. And, as I always ask myself, why would you bother to adapt a high profile series if ultimately you just reverted to cliched gimmicks like brawls and takeddowns? Furthermore, additional length is another problem Preacher doesn't need to suffer from, though, so a writer would do well to shortern it.

Also, in regards to the Isla role, Tulip is very shallow. She doesn't feel like an organic or believeable character in the structure of the work. Her arrival in the story is purely coincidental. And that's a big problem. Furthermore, her love arch with Jesse uses some very generic story elements and lines so she's hard to judge as a fresh or sparkling creation.

Now don't get me wrong, but Preacher was a fun read. Ennis made a good attempt to capture the darkness and humor of the series on the written page. But, I highly doubt this comic will ever make it to the big screen. It's too long, too controversial, and ultimately just not rewarding enough for a script that makes these sorts of compromises.

Scooby Doo (Complete Crap)

Atilla (Poor, Few Redeeming Qualities)

[X] Wedding Crashers (Mediocre)

Hot Rod (Good)

Definitely Maybe (Pretty Darn Good)

Isla Roles: There's really just Tulip, who is sleek in an Aeon Flux sort of way I'm almost ceratin Isla would be unable to successfully pull off.

Tip: You can't really cheat people in terms of page length. At times, lines of description merged with the dialogue. It looks sloppy. Furthermore, the dialogue is far too wide which means the script is even longer than 127 pages. Now, while any ordinary person might not realize this, what this does mean is that ultimately for producers, script readers and agents who were handling this thing the material came off too dense and ultimately unprofessional.

Super Girl (DC Hero's #2 of 5)

Genre: Action/Fantasy

Premise: Supergirl/Kara Zor-El lives in a lonely place on Krypton called Agro City, a wizard allows her to see an all powerful item known as the Omegahedron. Kara follows this tool to Earth, to save her city which will die without it. A witch gains the Omegahedron to perform evil spells. Supergirl arrives on Earth and discovers her Superman like powers, enrolling in an all girl school. The evil witch uses the Omegahedronto make a boy her slave, until Supergirl stops it. Supergirl battles the Witch until she is placed in an"eternal void" and stripped of her powers. She is helped by the wizard, who helps her defeat the witch.The slave admits his love for Supergirl. Eventually, Supergirl goes back and restores her city to power.

About: Coming at the close of the Superman franchise, this was an attempt to get females hooked on the comic book blockbuster. (Sadly for some reason there haven't been many terrific female empowered comic book adaptations). Sadly, this film was to fail also. Looks like Oddell was hired due to his work on other fantasy female films (which would believe it or not, include The Dark Crystal).

Writer: David Oddell (who is actually a Muppet writer with Dark Crystal and Muppet Show credits, he alsowrote the cheese fest Masters of the Universe and Running Scared).

This is a terrible film. It even seems to treat itself as ridiculous. (And because this isn't as enchanting or memorable as The Dark Crystal, we have a hard enough time as it is seriously investing in something called an "Eternal Void"). The separating point between an inaccessible film and a bad comic book adaptation is Supergirl's arrival on Earth. This whole thing is unfunny, and worse unexciting. And it falls flat on its face with all of its corny jokes. It all feels like it's just a big 80's goof even on the written page. And that's a shame because I worry that this script's failure tainted the market's idea of the Super Heroine film for nearly a decade to come.

We don't go to Super Hero films to laugh at Super Hero's (at least not these Super Heros, there's a whole other genre and series of films for these types of tales). Super Girl should give the audience the chance to aspire to almost a childhood innocence, which is really one of the main driving points behind all super heros. If the writer had intended to make nothing more than a comedy, why not just use a generic Super Heroine and a DC Licensed character whose rights most likely cost a significant amount of money.

Scooby Doo (Complete Crap)
[X] Atilla (Poor, Few Redeeming Qualities)
Wedding Crashers (Mediocre)
Hot Rod (Good)
Definitely Maybe (Pretty Darn Good)

Isla Roles: Nope. Not going to even picture it.

Tip: A story is only as serious as you take the material. And, even with great comedies (which this wasn't supposed to be) the whole material is cheapened because the writer didn't take the source material honestly enough. (Additionally, this is funny because I'd also make a similar critique of Masters of Universe which shares the same screenwriter).

Swamp Thing (DC Comics #1 of 5)

Genre: Action / Classic Jekyll-Hyde Structure

Premise: In a swamp, Dr. Alec Holland is trying to create a species of animal and plant capable of adapting and thriving in the harshest conditions. Unfortunately, he becomes subject of his own creation and is transformed into Swamp Thing. Arcaden, Alec/Swamp Thing's evil boss, attempts to capture the Swamp Thing. The script ends with a confrontation between Holland and a changed Arcane

About: Joel Silver is producing, and the film has been in discussion for a very long time. (As a 3-D movie nonetheless)It's not a comedy though like the earlier film adaptations, but rather a serious take on the comic. The script I read wasa first draft dated 2003, but from what I've seen Wein has since left the project.

Writer: Len Wein (this guy co-created the "new" X-Men, edited Watchmen, and has worked long runs on Green Lantern, also created Swamp Thing)

Kevin Smith once said, very wisely, that Marvel characters were born out of Supernatural causes but that DC characters were born out of philosophical reasons. The Swamp Thing, quite like Poison Ivy, is another example of someone capable of manipulating the powers of the Earth. I saw the Wes Craven film once long ago in London so I don't remember that film with much accuracy, but from what I understand Wein's scriptis close to a direct adaptation. This is not a great film. You'd be hard pressed to call it even a very good film, but I'd chalk this script up to a near guilty pleasure.

There is a great, shocking moment that will stick with me for quite some time. Swamp Thing is dissected and ripped apart by scientists who takeout his plant lungs, heart and brains. It's such a weird, creepy scene and we're sure the whole time that the character is also alive so it's a very surreal experience. The actual story line and developments are very close to Jekyll/Hyde stuff (and I know, as outlined in Stephen King's Danse Macabre is one of the four structures of modern horror, but it's never quite taken my interests). It's an off the wall, eccentric film about a hideous creature with a heart of gold and the woman who loves him. (Wonderfully, Swamp Thing carries his true love's charm bracelet around his leafy wrist).

If you like horror films, this is a great piece.

Maybe, if horror/action aren't your slice then this will be a bit more inaccessible. There's a genuine senseof a story well told here. Maybe it's not an Oscar worthy turn, but this script is a solid comic book adaptation.And, if it was done in 3-D, I guarantee it'd attract a large audience.

Scooby Doo (Complete Crap)

Atilla (Poor, Few Redeeming Qualities)

Wedding Crashers (Mediocre)

[X] Hot Rod (Good)

Definitely Maybe (Pretty Darn Good)

Isla Roles: The main female in Swamp Thing is one of the most charming comic book heroines I recall encountering in quite some time. There's definitely more than a dollop of resemblance to Christine in Phantom of the Opera.

Tip: Never underestimate a nice slow opening. Swamp Thing takes quite some time to get established, but it brings us into the swamp and the laboratory environment without making us feel like we've been thrown overboard. (I was going to make some general comment about how there's a good deal of resemblance between Jekyll/Hyde and werewolf tales, but I wasn't quite sure how to lift that notion to a loftier or practical tip).